my life has never been easy... n most of the tyms its my big mouth tht has been d cause of that. be it misunderstandings or lashing out at some close ones.... i tend to hav a real hard tym keepin my mouth shut. wen im hurt, angry n frustrated i hav to voice it out to d person involved or i remain bitter n come up wid ever so perfect one liners in my head n wish i could say them to ur face or text them to u..... but i dnt n i try to hold back frm even posting it on fb or whatsapp cuz tht neva reli does any good n it either lets ppl think ur life is shitty or tht ur angry wid ur boyfriend *facepalm*
anyway, tho i hold myself responsible for these lil messes tht i make, they all stem frm d fact tht someone or d other who is close to me is taking me for granted n fails to acknowledge d many tyms i hav been der for them n not tht i even expect a thank u but atleast i dnt want criticism. atleast i expect u to hav my back. i mean if d tables wer turned u noe wid blind faith i wud neva leave ur side. but u stil chose to treat me like i dnt even exist worst stil tht u treat urself above me cuz u think ur better than evryone else. u dnt see it now but one day u wil hav wats coming to u. all of u. im not cursing anyone. i just noe tht our God is a fair God n if he sees injustice, he makes things right in his own tym.
ohkay i lost track of wat dis is really about. GRACE. and living with it. i used to let go of things so gracefully wen i was schooling. somewhere down d line i started to n hold on tightly to pain n hurt in d depth of my heart n keep grudges till i blasted out at d person concerned. and see, I noe thts not right behaviour. i correct my thots wen i make a statement to myself in my head about wat a random person on d road is wearin. then y do i hold on to stuff where my close ones r concerned... cuz it hurts n i dnt expect dat kind of behaviour frm them. so God please gimme d Grace to let go n move on from trivial things tht loved ones say no matter how hurtful. words are kind of my best frnds n worst enemies. need to deal with tht.
anyway, tho i hold myself responsible for these lil messes tht i make, they all stem frm d fact tht someone or d other who is close to me is taking me for granted n fails to acknowledge d many tyms i hav been der for them n not tht i even expect a thank u but atleast i dnt want criticism. atleast i expect u to hav my back. i mean if d tables wer turned u noe wid blind faith i wud neva leave ur side. but u stil chose to treat me like i dnt even exist worst stil tht u treat urself above me cuz u think ur better than evryone else. u dnt see it now but one day u wil hav wats coming to u. all of u. im not cursing anyone. i just noe tht our God is a fair God n if he sees injustice, he makes things right in his own tym.
ohkay i lost track of wat dis is really about. GRACE. and living with it. i used to let go of things so gracefully wen i was schooling. somewhere down d line i started to n hold on tightly to pain n hurt in d depth of my heart n keep grudges till i blasted out at d person concerned. and see, I noe thts not right behaviour. i correct my thots wen i make a statement to myself in my head about wat a random person on d road is wearin. then y do i hold on to stuff where my close ones r concerned... cuz it hurts n i dnt expect dat kind of behaviour frm them. so God please gimme d Grace to let go n move on from trivial things tht loved ones say no matter how hurtful. words are kind of my best frnds n worst enemies. need to deal with tht.
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